Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips. - 2

Figure Out What You Really Want

Everyone's got sexual fantasies of one sort or another. But for some people, those fantasies can be buried pretty deep. If your partner were to turn to you tonight and say, "What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?" or "What do you want to change about how we have sex?" do you know what you'd say?

If you're not sure, you're not alone. "Some people have to do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them," says Weston. But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.

So give it a little effort. Weston observes that there are plenty of tools out there to help: books, magazines, videos, and so on. Once you've come up with some ideas, telling your partner about them could be fun for both of you.

Find Out What Your Partner Wants

And then there's the flip side: You need to ask your partner the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from your love life?

According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common complaints they hear is that one partner wants to have sex more than the other.

Some people may huffily assume that they just have higher sex drives than their partners do. But maybe your partner is looking for something different out of your love life but hasn't felt able to ask. So bring up the subject. Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.

Try Something New

Trying something new in the bedroom is a pretty obvious suggestion for attaining a better love life, but it's one that many people have trouble following.

"For a lot of couples, the longer they're together, the more they play it safe sexually," says Weston. "You think it would go the other way, that as people get more comfortable in a relationship they feel more secure to try new things. But that's not the case."

Castleman agrees. "People resist change, especially intimate change," he says. "If you're in an established relationship, you may feel like you have more to lose. You don't want to rock the boat."

But both Castleman and Weston recommend resisting the impulse to play it safe. This can mean all sorts of things -- maybe lingerie, massage, sex toys and so on -- and trying something new doesn't have to be outrageous.

"People have a lot of crazy notions about what a sexual fantasy should be," says Castleman. "They think it must mean S&M or sex on a Ferris wheel. But there are a lot less wild ways of experimenting with something new."

Weston agrees. "One small change that can have a big effect is to interrupt the pattern to how you usually have sex," says Weston. "If you're usually the shy one who waits for the other person to begin things, try starting it yourself. Just take a risk, even if it's a little one."

Secrets to a Better Love Life - 1

Most of us can remember the hot -- and frequent -- spicy moments when the romance was new with our partner. But eventually the fire of a good love life may die down. Over time, the sexy nightie languishes hidden in the sock drawer, the massage oil gathers dust next to the athlete's foot powder in the medicine cabinet, and you and your partner have what feels like a humdrum sexual life.

So what is the secret to a better love life that lasts? We asked for some suggestions from two experts on sexuality -- Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex, and Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a board certified sex therapist and resident expert for WebMD's "Sex Matters®" message boards.

Make Dates

Castleman and Weston are in firm agreement that couples that have been together for a while need to plan time for sex.

"Make a date for sex," says Castleman, a health journalist who previously answered questions about sexuality submitted to the Playboy advisor. "Don't let it be an afterthought," he tells WebMD. "Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner, take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever the couple likes to do as a couple. But set aside that time."

But, you might cry, isn't scheduling unromantic? Isn't sex supposed to be spontaneous? Rare is the lover with a daily planner fetish, after all.

But Castleman has a blunt response. "Grow up," he says. "What's the problem with making a date for sex? People make plans for other things they enjoy, like ski trips or dinners out."

Weston agrees. "I think most people, especially couples with kids, have to plan ahead because they already have so much jammed into their schedules," she says. "Sure there are times when things spontaneously fall together, but those are happy accidents."